Sunday, April 26, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Do you really mean that much to me?
I am actually amazed with myself. Seriously. I don't know I could value someone this much until I let myself live everyday, every time, thinking of him. I have never sacrifice my time, my tears, my money, my thoughts, my feelings, my pride, my self-esteem, most importantly myself, this much, to a guy that I cannot even call my own. I didn't even do this much to my ex. It surprises me as well. How is it even possible? Do I really like him that much?
I am not being cheapskate or insincere. I do all the things so that he will give me something back. No. That's not the case. I didn't expect anything from him. Oh okay I'm lying! It's true I don't expect him to give me things back. I just expect him to at least, appreciate. And show me that he really does. I expect him to at least, be frank with me how he really feels. So far, I am not so sure myself, whether he appreciates or not, every single thing I have done to him. And obviously, he is far from telling me his feelings.
Alright. Guess I'm exaggerating a bit there. I didn't do that much but all I can say, I really had a very sweet hard time to accomplish everything. I hesitated quite a lot of times before I decided to go for it. I'm having such an unexpectedly tough times though it's my own decision. I've never experience this before. Of course, my past relationship was supposed to be a secret so I cannot even do or receive much. See? That explains it all. This is my very first time. And ironically, my first time comes from my own actions towards him not the other way around like how it supposed to be. How sad is that?
Thursday, April 23, 2015
IDK
It is burdening. I know. I just thought that this is the one and only way for me. To get the right solution for everything. Everything that needs to be solved. Everything that fills my head like the air. Everything that actually affects me inside out, slowly.
It's either I think or I don't think at all. But once I think, I cannot help from overthink. This happens almost all the time. Whenever I chose to think about it, I cannot stop myself from overly thinking about it. Indeed, when you overthink, you tend to create stuffs that's not even there at the first place. That's why it is better not to.
But who to blame? I'm just a normal human being. A normal girl. And girls, do overthink. God, how I wish I could settle everything in the blink of an eye without even have to think first. See? The aftereffect of thinking so much. I started to expect the impossible!
Truth is, now, even if I'm currently spending, God knows how much time to think about what should I do and how to solve this, I still didn't get any. Not even one solution. Not even one way. Ironic much? Yeah. I don't know what to do. I don't even have the mood to do anything. I don't know how to solve this. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
A challenge accepted!
This semester has been such a challenging one for me. I don't know. Every single thing is like testing my patience, my capabilities, my comfort zone. Everything. I feel like I'm in for an adventure for the past 4 months! Funny huh. How studying could be this adventurous. :)
However, I would say, I survived somehow. At least, compared to last semester, which was full of dramas, full of bullshits, full of unnecessary feelings, full of unimportant things that I actually considered important (yeah, silly me, I know!). Well not anymore! *flips hijab lol*
This semester feels much better in terms of my freedom for those silly things. Less people around you, less bullshits you gotta deal with. True indeed. I'm much more happier this way! That's the thing you know, when you are growing up, the older you get, the lesser your circle of friends would be. And I totally have no problems with that. I learnt that it's better to have one true friend than 100 mediocre friends.
But of course there are pros and cons. Well, life isn't that easy. Works were not as simple as it looked like. It's getting tougher, yeah. Subjects are even harder. Studying is not as simple as it was like in schools. Normal. I'm enjoying this. Totally.
Alhamdulillah. I managed to overcome everything smooth and sail. Now time to focus on final exam. Hopefully everything went well. May Allah ease our journey to another level. Amin!
However, I would say, I survived somehow. At least, compared to last semester, which was full of dramas, full of bullshits, full of unnecessary feelings, full of unimportant things that I actually considered important (yeah, silly me, I know!). Well not anymore! *flips hijab lol*
This semester feels much better in terms of my freedom for those silly things. Less people around you, less bullshits you gotta deal with. True indeed. I'm much more happier this way! That's the thing you know, when you are growing up, the older you get, the lesser your circle of friends would be. And I totally have no problems with that. I learnt that it's better to have one true friend than 100 mediocre friends.
But of course there are pros and cons. Well, life isn't that easy. Works were not as simple as it looked like. It's getting tougher, yeah. Subjects are even harder. Studying is not as simple as it was like in schools. Normal. I'm enjoying this. Totally.
Alhamdulillah. I managed to overcome everything smooth and sail. Now time to focus on final exam. Hopefully everything went well. May Allah ease our journey to another level. Amin!
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