In the name of friendship

I may be a complete hypocrite if I demand that you started to change once you befriend with me. I don't think I have the confidence to say so. I still didn't know behind my back, when you're not with me, what did you do, how did you behave. Whether you turned out to be the way you were in your past or not, I don't know. But at least I have this little confidence to claim that, when you are with me, you stop doing silly things you did before. That's the least I'm sure of. And for that, I am proud.

Merely because I think I'm the only one person in this whole wide world, who wants you to change and stop. Who no matter what happens, stick besides you and backing you. Who always be patient with you, with your behavior. I'm lying if I say you didn't hurt me. Course you did. In fact lots of times. Maybe more than how much I hurt you or maybe the same amount. I don't remember no more because I never remember. But we're both a normal human being and we cannot simply avoid having this feeling of 'terasa' all the time between us. We're no perfectionist. But for me, for the sake of friendship, I cast aside all these thing called conscience.

Why? How? Am I that kind? Am I a saint? Of course not for heaven's sake. I cannot run away from feeling the same as you. I'm no nice either. But for me, you are my friend, and once you are, I accept you as you are, as well as your flaws. Whatever good things you did to me, I'm thankful for that up till now and I don't think I could ever pay everything back. And for whatever bad things you did to me, I never take it to heart. I always have this kind of 'apps' in myself, when it comes to you whom I called my friend, I will save the good things and erase the bad things right away. That was how I'm able to last with you. With your behavior.

I'm not staying friends because I want you to change to be a total brand new person. Totally not. I accept you and your true self, sincerely. Because that was how I befriend with you. Because you are you. I never want you to change and be someone who completely different than being you. I just thought that, you could be a much better person if you stop doing things that slowly ruin you without you even noticing. That's just it.

This is totally from the bottom of my heart. I know I'm at no place to be saying this, right now. It's a little too late already. But you know, I never regret. It sucks how things ended up but somehow, I cannot offer any single explanation if you decided to pick on my flaws. My flaws are always gonna be there, deep inside me. If you cannot take it anymore, there's nothing I can do about it.

Anyways, thank you. I am earnestly sorry for everything.

Well, I don't think I could please everybody, do I?

But the memories won't seem to let me go

I know. Nothing will change even if I look back at the past. Past is past. And it always is. I didn't even want to think about it no more. "Enough is enough already..." that's what I've been telling myself in order to live the present. But I don't think I can avoid from looking back if it keeps bugging me, do I?

Today was wonderfully spent, personally. But still, I never expect to bump into certain people who used to be so important to me before. Not because I'm ashamed of myself, not because I did something wrong to them, not to avoid them for good.

But because they once brought happiness to me. They were apart of my reasons to live up and prove myself. Because I know if I meet them now, I will start to remember everything crystal clear, again. The one I had troubles to let go for almost, ever. It's just... too hard.

Dear past, stop tapping me on the shoulders, would you? Just, stop appearing in my mind like a replay. Pretty please? I don't want to look back. Not anymore.