Be careful before karma slaps you right away

What goes around, comes around. Karma can be surprisingly, scary. And unbelievable too. Respect? I don't think I should talk about respect no more. This matter doesn't even deserve to be respected. It's too hard for me to even digest every bit of the news yet. What more to understand, or accept? I don't think I could, even in future. I'm sorry.

Just, it's totally out of my expectation. Well life can be pretty outrageous, no? You just cannot simply hate something, that proudly. You just can't. And the funny thing is, you even curse those who do things you hate, as if you will never do it. Like ever. My oh my. I mean who knows what will happen later for heaven's sake? Even you won't even know what will happen tomorrow, do you?

Life is fair enough. He is fair enough. You get what you need, not what you want. You can hate things, maybe, I won't starting now, whatever but by cursing? It's not that simple because somehow you will end up, doing and getting things you hate the most. That's how life works.

So that happens now, what say you? Can you face those people who you condemned the most because they are doing things you hate? Can you be as proud as you were before when what you hate, is happening to you now? Oh how scary!

I know it's not your fault, life treats you this way. I understand that very well. But the fact that you once, oh correction, more than triple times, cursed me, condemned me, blamed me, pointed your finger at my face, chased me out, that's what disappoint me most. That's what makes me refuse to even accept this news. I'm sorry. I just don't think it's understandable anymore.

She

If there's an award for crying, she thinks she will definitely dominates. That explains just how much she cries. Every single night. Without fail. Even when most of the nights, she feels emotionless, cry for nothing, because she cries too much. But tears just never stop falling down her pale cheeks. Just like the pouring rain. Less heavy but nonstop.

It's killing her. Bit by bit. She feels sick. Her body shivers. Not because of the coldness. She's cold yet hot. She can't feel her legs when she stands. Her head spins around frantically. So she lies down, practically straight, trying to shut her eyes firm. Hopefully to leave the reality for at least a moment, to go to the dreamland. A world full of bliss. Because that's the only place where she feels better. Even if she's alone.

But it didn't work. As if the reality demands to stay even longer than it has been already. With teary eyes, wet cheeks, she tries again. Shutting her eyes, very slowly. To sleep. To visit the blissful dreamland. She feels heavy. Her head's heavy. Her body's heavy. Her eyes' heavy. She really feels sick. Really. Her body no longer listens to the power of mind control she always practices. There's no use. She's helpless now. Lying in bed, fully awake, eyes closed, still wet and full of tears that she can't hold back even if she wants to. Totally helpless.

Save her, dear dreamland. Help her to escape and be there at least, for now. So she can get herself back on track. So her body and mind would be back to its' place. Please?

The world is cruel. The reality suffocates me. The future alerts me. Everything scares me. Can time solves everything? Will thinking and deciding, do any good? Will running away or facing it, works?

I don't know anymore. And that makes me feel empty. Totally empty.

Let It Go by Demi Lovato

Let it go, let it go

Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go

Turn my back and slam the door

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight

Not a footprint to be seen

A kingdom of isolation

And it looks like, I'm the queen

The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside

Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see

Be the good girl you always have to be

Conceal, don't feel

Don't let them know

Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go

Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go

Turn my back and slam the door

And here I stand, and here I'll stay

Let it go, let it go

The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance

Makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me

Can't get to me at all

Up here in the cold thin air

I finally can breathe

I know I left a life behind

But I'm too relieved to grieve

Let it go, let it go

Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go

Turn my back and slam the door

And here I stand, and here I'll stay

Let it go, let it go

The cold never bothered me anyway

Standing, frozen, in the life I've chosen

You won't find me, the past is so behind me

Buried in the snow

Let it go, let it go

Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go

Turn my back and slam the door

And here I stand, and here I'll stay

Let it go, let it go

The cold never bothered me anyway

What's there left to do?

Remember, when you forgive, you heal. And when you let go, you grow. Oh how I wish these are an easy things to do! I always admire those who could be such forgiver. I always thought that people who could let go easily are pretty impressive. Because for me, it took courage and guts to do so. That's what I lack of, I think. For certain matters.

Yeah. It's true I am far from kind. Even though I try so hard to be kind but I guess it doesn't work at all. Trying can be pretty hopeless you know because even if I try, everything just don't work like how I expect it will. Trying just don't get along with me that well. It's sad. If trying isn't working, what else is there for me to do?

It's hard to be me

This devastation I feel for the second time is unbearable. Despite the reasons, the reality, the present, everything is just, too hurtful. To bear with. To get over with. I feel totally ripped. Exactly into pieces. My emotion is unstable and there's nothing I could do to stop myself from mourning over it. Or maybe, there's nothing I want to do.

And this is the first time in life, I've ever feel this way. Never did I imagine such thing could happen. Again. I don't think anybody would, honestly.

Being me, being in my shoe is very very very tiring, stressing, depressing and whatnot. Not because I'm perfect but simply because I have done and still doing a very huge quantity of mistakes in life. Though I try hard every single day to remind myself not to repeat them, learn from them instead, it's just still not working. I will found out that I am repeating the same mistakes and learn nothing later on. It is frustrating even to me. What more people around me.

Even if this sounds silly, but I seriously even study how to live life the way a normal human being should. I'm not bragging about how I've put efforts in being me the way I am now. It's not that I'm living a decent, normal life anyway. But personally living life is hard. Being me is hard.