Goodbye 2013

2013 has ended. For good. Alhamdulillah, it's been a pretty good year for me. Despite all those regrets and stupid mistakes done, for all the ups and downs, the experiences and lessons, thank you 2013. For teaching me how life should be like, when you reached 21. It's undeniably precious for me to be able to face such circumstances on my own. By myself. It's rather impressive. To me. Thank you 2013 for being such a lovely year after all. So long then.

It is my first time. First time "celebrating" (as if) new year, alone. Being alone is what I needed most right now. Yeah, I guess. Even though I do hate being alone, initially. Exactly too many things have been going on in my life at this moment until at one point, I feel like disappear with this wind blowing at me right now. This breezy night makes me feel more lonelier. It's not a bad thing, though. Just like how I want. And I know it will be worse if I started to think. So I won't. I just wanna let my thoughts drift away together with the wind. For now.

Even if it's funny, actually I always think depression is not for me. But well, I'm a human being. Exactly a normal one. So, yeah. Anyways, goodbye 2013.

Just know that everyone feels broken sometimes.

Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you, to understand you, to distrust you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Encourage yourself. Don't speak defeat over your life. It's okay. Life doesn't have to be perfect, it just have to be lived. Don't forget you're human. It's okay to have a meltdown. Just don't unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.

Part II : A confession

I have to admit. I really want people to treat me just the way they used to. By ignoring my mistakes, by ignoring the rumors, just treat me how they did back again.

I really have a hard time because somehow I'm hoping that they just stop being so judgmental. At least towards me. It's heartbreaking. It's not something that I can just pass it through my mind easily.

Every single day, I'm trying and I keep on trying to some sort of redeem back my mistakes. I keep on feeling that I've wronged everyone in the world. I keep on thinking how I wish to turn back time and erase those mistakes done just in a flash.

It's hard. The feeling of regret seems to haunt me every second. The feeling of sorry seems to dominate myself every inch.

I just want one thing. To be treated just the same as how people used to treat me. Please?