The missed chance

I believe in straightforwardness. Personally, being honest has its perks; good or bad. It is better to be slapped by truth than kissed by lies. Yes, truth hurts but no matter how painful it is, it cannot be compared to being lied. I always feel like whenever I got lied, it hurts the most simply because of the fact that I am not even worth to know the truth about anything. It just hurts, the most.

Hence, I live my life by telling every single thing expressively; my opinions, whatever I think about anything, how I feel, when things are a complete nuisance or a compliment, I boldly speak out. I do not restrict myself. Never. I just feel comfortable when I do so. I feel good about myself and even if it will or may hurt other people since not everyone could deal with honesty; I still do. Call me a jerk, I don't mind. This is just me. If being honest at all cost; defines a jerk, then I am a jerk. Cool!

Recently, I have a crazy crush on someone. Well initially, it is just a normal feeling you have when you bump into someone too often. You just started to fancy the fact that you will bump into him pretty much every nook and cranny you go since this campus is totally not a huge one. However, as time passes by, the fancy feeling changed into something more than that and it is killing me with happiness and overjoy now.

Nonetheless, I realized that I could not be myself when it comes about him due to my prior experiences. There were numerous chances to even get closer to him but I actually dare to blew them away. I can say that I am totally a different person now whenever I think about it. I was not someone who occasionally or purposely miss an opportunity because for me, they are priceless. It would not come twice and it is inappropriate for me to turn it down without thinking twice. I usually value chances, however, I missed a lot of them lately.

Now when I think about it, have I changed into someone new or this is all just temporarily? It ponders me somehow.

I Curse

I curse you,

For being ungrateful of me

I curse you,

For taking our friendship for granted

I curse you,

For spreading all those stupid rumors about me

I curse you,

For being too coward to come to me and vent everything out

I curse you,

For wasting the times I spent on you

I curse you,

For making me believing the opposite of you

I curse you,

For being too shameless of yourself

I curse you,

For letting our friendship gone to waste

I curse you,

For giving me quite a very hard time

I curse you,

For being too special than you're supposed to in my life

I curse you,

For all the miseries I went through by myself

I curse you.

I Wish

I wish

I could be more honest in high school

I wish

I could avoid myself being left outcast for nothing

I wish

I could be more dependable during foundation

I wish

I could avoid myself being stepped on illogically

I wish

I could be more mature when I turned 20

I wish

I could avoid myself from doing stupid things

I wish

I could be more firm to stand for myself

I wish

I could avoid myself from getting misunderstood

I wish

I could be more futuristic towards my own future

I wish

I could avoid myself from wasting time even longer

I wish

I could be more thoughtful about these things

I wish.