I'm normal

I am no different with others. When it comes to holiday, I would wanna escape to a full vacation where I could relax, enjoy, have fun, explore, try new things, and of course, rest my mind from all the complications I get by being a student. Okay I made it sounds so bad. To be exact, rest from all the assignments and things I have to focus on? Yeah, that sounds... normal? Unfortunately, I have no chance to do so. Yet!

My holiday was spent specially in its own way. I had good times with my family back in Kedah for the whole 10 days. I wasted lots of money on clothes and shoes, again. I know. I just hope that I will wear all of them, that's all. I spent the rest of the days back in KL with my dad before everything ends later. It was a blissful holiday for me. Though it's a holiday without a vacay, still I enjoyed every moments of it. That's the most important thing.

So speaking of which, actually I'm a little excited here for the fact that I'm gonna start a new semester this Monday. Simply because the thoughts of learning new things, get to know new lecturers, meeting my favorite friends after awhile, being a student back, are just... awesome! I can't wait seriously. And along with that, I'm wishing myself a very good days ahead. May this semester be blessed and successful enough. Cheers to new experiences and memories!

Happy pill

That satisfaction and joy you feel when everyone appreciate your effort. I seldom go back to my hometown to be honest. I just hate being here actually. Yes, hate. The fact that there's nothing here that could attract my interest is one of the reasons why. Up to you if that's what you wanna call I forget my own root or whatnot, I was not even born here. That's just how I feel every time I'm here in Kedah. So why should I lie?

Of course, Kedah is far away from all the noise and it's peaceful, well it's at the countryside right? It would be weird if it's not. But then, that's just it to it. The peacefulness. That's all. Trust me, there's NOTHING here. I wouldn't even mind if I visit once in awhile, maybe for a vacay for my mind and all the chaos, noisiness, pollution. But to the extent of staying here, for a long time? If I can avoid, I will. And that's what I've been doing all this while.

That's why even if I'm on a holiday, I won't stay here that long. I will, if and only if I have to, like totally have no choice, like extremely have to. You know what I mean when I already emphasize on that. Last time, I stayed for 3 freaking months and it was... bad. The only thing that saved me from surviving was, work. If I didn't work for that whole 3 months, I think I will become a living corpse! Yeah, it's that worse.

Despite all that, based on the reason itself, whenever I'm back at my home, I will always spend it wisely. Rest, rest fully. Hangout, hangout unlimited-ly. Spend time, spend time quality-ly. So today, I cooked for my family. I have always love cooking. If I have to choose between sewing and cooking, you probably know which one I'll choose to do right away. I hate sewing. Even in a million years. Sorry future husband. If your button needs a little sewing skill, maybe I will ask my mom to do it instead. Eh? Okay totally not a good daughter myself.

I cooked Fettuccine Carbonara with Smoked Sausages, dinner for 5. A little western for today's dinner. Abah is missing though. He will really love it if he knows I cook. Even if it's just scramble eggs. He will say "Oh akak, you cook today? It must be bad no?" heh. That's just how my dad is. Proud of me but at the same time, the criticisms from his mouth, God knows how it feels good and annoying in it's own way. Anyways, I am thankful enough. My sweats are totally paid off right that moment when my effort is appreciated. Silently. That's even better. The funny thing about my family is, they really didn't wrap me around with good words. Things that come out from their mouths are all... unsupportive. They just say things that's opposite of how they feel.

My mum, she said this earlier "Akak, I cannot eat this, I feel nauseous and you know cheese will make me feel even worse" and she didn't touch my fettuccine. Not even a bite. I understand her and say nothing. When I went into the room, she yelled from outside to me "You should have put paisley leaves, more onions, more this, more that, then this will be tastier" but still finishes everything in her plate. My sister reported to me about it, as well as how my younger brother add some more of the fettuccine twice or thrice! My brother then came back a bit later, he finishes all in the bowl until it's clean as I've washed it.

You see, that feeling is exactly what I longed for. I cooked simply because I have been meaning to cook it long time ago but I have no time to do so. Today is my last night at home so I thought it could be memorable if I cook. And it certainly does. Alhamdulillah. What more could I ever ask for? Rather than just, praying for this moment, this family, this kinda thing will last long and never fades away.

Thank you, dear Allah.

If and only if

Fate doesn't care about plans. If something is meant to be, it will be. I don't know about you, but I'm a firm believer in fate. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the reasons aren't very clear. Some you find out almost immediately, and some you live your whole live trying to figure out. Why you met someone, why you lost someone, why things happened the way they did. I'm constantly thinking about this. But ultimately, I know that everything ends just the way it's meant to. Nothing I do can change the outcome. It always ends well, and if it doesn't... well it's just not the end. It's that simple.

I'm wide awake

If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is, wake up. Wake up beautiful self. Wake up from the fantasy that you have been creating and start living the reality for good. Fantasy is pretty, no doubt. Living in a world that is full of things that you have been imagined beforehand. What else could be prettier than that though? But reality also is gorgeous in its own way. Let's try and look at it at the bright side shall we?

My one and only dream that I've been dreaming since I was small, has yet to be true. If you ask me when's that dream gonna be accomplish, then I have no answer to that. Maybe I have to postpone? Maybe, that's the best. I've been wasting lots of time already. For now I'm focusing on the present. Dreams that I have been saving day by day, to make a better future ahead. Like to get deans list every semester? Like to be more responsible in everything I do? Like to enjoy every little things in life? Like to keep on putting a smile on my face no matter what happen? Like to upgrade myself towards a better me everyday? Like to study my ass out and pursue my master oversea? Those little dreams of mine right at this moment. I'm so gonna make all those come true, for now. Fuh! May He bless everything.

Life goes on

Alhamdulillah 2014.

A wonderful year for me. A year full of opportunities. A year full of first times. A year full of good people. A year full of experiences. A year full of happiness and good times. A year that's totally by far, the best year. I'm thankful for every single lessons given. There's always a silver lining behind everything. Now all I can say is, I get it. I seriously get it. For each and everything that has happened, or yet to happen, or will happen, there are reasons, no at least a reason, why.

Thank you everyone. You guys have made my year. For good or even bad, thank you. The experiences that could never be bought, thank you. The opportunities that I had grabbed, thank you. The happiness, the heartaches, the disappointments, the success, the failures, the criticisms, the supports, the good and bad times, thank you. Sincerely.

2015. I don't usually have all those undone intentions when a new year starts. Seriously, I'm not that type of person who jot down all the things I wanna achieve throughout the year. Since I know myself better. I won't even bother to accomplish them, so why would I lie to myself? Pretending that if I have the list, I will follow and somehow, get it done. Haha! Guess I am not the neat and systematic type then. Well in this matter of course.

Anyways, isn't it better if I just continue to follow the flow? Screw the list, and just live my life to the fullest. Everyday. For me, that's what I will do. Despite the fact that the list will somehow helps, I rather think that I'm the one who should change the game. Not letting the game changes me. So here's to a more meaningful year, full of chances, countless good times ahead.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim 2015.