Hello October

Thank Lord, my September was superbly amazing. Lots of things happened and it will always be kept safe in my memory.

I turned 21 on the 4th of September. I've got the most prettiest gift I've ever wished for. And most importantly, every single day on September were a blessing for me. It went so well, I'm grateful enough.

Goodbye for good, September. Thank you for cherishing my days. Thanks Lord.

Dear October, welcome! Be more fabulous yeah? Because somehow you have to work hard and beat September. Ahahah! I wish you lucks then. :)

A kid will grow up, eventually

Since I was small up till now, I really look up to her. I just want to be exactly like her. She's my role model. She's my example in everything I do. She's like a perfectionist. Everything she does, she says, it's most likely perfect. Maybe after reducing her 'lecture' skills a bit, every single time, for every single thing, even little ones, which err most of the times annoying to the core, she'll be beyond perfect. Her life, her family, her career, her studies. Everything seems perfect to me. Ohh how I wish to live like her and be like her.

But I grow up as time passed by. I guess I realize one thing. I can never share the same life as anyone else in this whole world even if I'm dying to. You are lucky enough to be different. Never change. And so, I give up the idea of being like her slowly without I even noticed.

Being a grown up is an amazing time and a hard time as well. It's when you learn something new and make mistakes. It's when you fall in love and taste different kinds of emotions. It's when you make your best friends. I have girls who will never leave my heart and I still talk to. You get the best and the worst as you grow up. You have the best friendships and the worst heartbreaks. More than enough then.

This is the feeling of 21

As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected by something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better. I always pray that way. I often think that way.

Things happen for a reason. Yes sometimes I really feel reluctant to let go certain things that were meant to happen in my life. I would be lying if I say I am always positive and able to let go everything very easily. Not most of the time. It is hard. Yeah because I am a normal human being, yet a normal girl trying to live her life to the fullest as long as she can and appreciate everything that comes in.

When that deciding time comes, sometimes I feel as if I cannot really live without it, so I refuse to let go. Sometimes I feel that well I have to let go, I am capable to at least do that. It's a duo. Totally clashing and the percentage is 50/50. By then I believe. The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win the battles we know nothing about. And yes. I've won the battle.

How little things could make my day

The feeling of when you sing a normally high pitch song for you, until you have to cover it up doing falsetto every single time, but this one time, you manage to exactly reach the high note, is super double triple amazing! Seriously. And I begin to craze these 2 songs much. David Guetta - Titanium and Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You. Yayy!

Actually one of the reason why I chose Titanium by David Guetta to sing, merely because of the movie called Pitch Perfect. It seems doable although they sang it just in their shower and barely naked. *opss* Nice movie though. Very teenagerish! *ahaks* So in the beginning I was going to try and sing the song in my own way, and I did, but after the second try, I realized that the high notes were manageable. You never know unless you try right? Indeed. I'm feeling great! Overly great. Overly joy.

Thank Lord

It's cliche. I begin to realize that everything I feel and experience, there's always someone or maybe more, will have to agree in my point of view about it. We are common and in fact share the same opinion. Well I am not alone in this matter. It's not something to be proud of but somehow it's relieving me. Somehow. All we need is some relief through these hard times, I've got mine. Sometimes just the act of sharing a painful secret can relieve some of the pain. Alhamdulillah.

Look for the girl with the broken smile

She's speechless. She doesn't really have a thing to say. Yet everybody's staring at her with big rounded eyes and it's like forcing her to speak anything at that moment. A word or two would be fine. She seems hopeless. The only thing she could think of is "I'm sorry" and run away from everyone. Everyone looks surprised and the sounds of people whispering keeps budging in the hall. Probably talks about lots of speculations they have made themselves. It sounds louder. Noisy.

She runs through the stairs and locks herself in her room. It was a very shameful scene ever happen in her life. What a pity. She cries so hard by herself. Cover them with her pillow so it doesn't sound a thing. She even screams out loud. Everything happen just like a flash. She can't even believe it.

Suddenly a voice whispered. Soft. Barely heard. "That was nothing dear. There's lot more to come. You have to be prepared or else you'll be sorry. You have to stay strong...". She stops crying and lift her head up. She closes her eyes and started to concentrate on the voice. "It's fine to cry now. Take your time to cry your eyes out. But after that, you have to be strong back. Just the way you are and you'll be fine...". She keeps her eyes closed. Until she didn't hear a thing. For a long time. The voice disappeared.

Believe it or not, the voice that came from nowhere seemed to make her calm. She swipes her tears away. She gets up and takes a deep breath. Twice. "But after that, you have to be strong back. Just the way you are and you'll be fine" she repeats. Like a spell. She seems sober just by repeating them. Now she's ready to face anything.

I've learned the greatest lessons from my worst mistakes

Something happened and it did change my life. For once, I really felt like I'm dead for, maybe, hmm 15 minutes? I don't know but sort of. That's the first thing came from my head. "I'm a dead meat".

First thing to do, stop the car. Where ever it is doesn't matter, as long as I pull off the car. Or else perhaps something bad might happen which will make me even more regret than how I am already. And after I off the engine, I took a very long deep breath by myself. Again. Again. And again. Up till I feel relax and calm enough, or maybe sane enough? Suits yourself. That's the perfect thing to do first thing first after everything. By then, my head started to play a movie of mine about the past. A flashback on how dumb I was. I felt like I'm slowly dying by the fact that, those were actually my past. Of course the decisions and mistakes I've done. Screw me. With all of these rewind session going inside my head, I decided to drive back. Slowly started the engine and drive away.

Arrived. Somehow the only thing I could think of is pray. And so I rushed myself as soon as I got home. To pray. Lord's power, I became much calmer, alhamdulillah. Whatever results will become, it's all in His hand. I'm still praying and will always be, insyaAllah.

#nousetocryoveraspiltmilk #pray #athingtolearnfrom

Wasted opportunities are what we regret the most

After watching Konsert Prelude Akademi Fantasia 2013, I must say I am pretty much regretting my decision. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make. Well regardless everything, congratulations to all of them. Somehow, you must never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted. Don't waste your time looking back on what you've lost. Move on, because life is not meant to be traveled backwards. Okay!

Live for the moments you can't put into words

It's a good day to have a good day. Guess I've get used myself to live my life to the fullest every single day without fail. You have to listen to the people who have a negative opinion as well as those who have positive opinion. Just to make sure that you are blending all these opinions in your mind before a decision is made. I learnt that if you want peace, stop fighting. If you want peace of mind, then stop fighting with your thoughts. Sounds simple. Yes it does. It gets simpler when you really apply that. Now I can say I have a clear mind. Than before. At least. I believe that the happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. Keep that in mind and you'll be just fine, insyaAllah.

Something to ponder about

Maybe you know me, but sorry to say, you don't know my story. I mean the whole story. Or maybe you know my story. But not from me. I guess I am trying so very damn hard just to please people and to make up all of my mistakes that I've done intentionally or unintentionally before. I am tired of trying. I am exhausted. Think it's time for me to stop. Maybe just for awhile. Not because I refuse to admit my mistakes, but because it's getting useless. People seem to ignore my efforts. Is it that hard to forgive and forget? One thing to remind, I am a human being. Well just a human being. I am not perfect and at least I am trying to fix my mistakes back.

I believe that behind every negative things, there are positive things that I can learn. I believe that before and I will still believe on that, forever.

Happy 21st Birthday, Mieza Shafieza Mohd Fuad

Officially 21. Alhamdulillah. For the last 20 years, ups and downs, straight and curvy, I've gone through it so far, I've learnt about it successfully. Despite all the things happened, I want to thank every single of them. Experiences, mistakes, problems, solutions, people, guys, girls, friends, best friends, family, thank you very much. For exactly everything. I am what I am right now, thanks to all of you. You guys made me the way I am right now, I have no regrets at all. Good or bad things happen for a reason. I appreciate every single of it.

When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone something that has changed them. So don't judge the book by it's cover.

Dear self, happy 21st birthday. You are a grown up woman now, so improve yourself and act like one. For all the things I've done, whether it's intentionally or unintentionally, I am very deeply sorry from the bottom of my heart and from head to toe. Hopefully by turning 21, I could be a better daughter, a good sister, a meticulous friend and a better person. I cannot simply promise things I have no confidence on doing, but one thing for sure, I will try my very best to be better than I am today, insyaAllah. :)

I am not afraid of storms. I am learning how to sail my ship. Yes I make mistakes. Maybe everyday, maybe every time. But most importantly, that's the only way how I could learn what life is all about. Without making any, I won't gain any experience. Then life is boring. That's sad. This way, I find that life is full of surprises. It's interesting how your problems could make you wiser. Even if you are getting older, still, that couldn't guarantee you will be a wise person. Age doesn't matter much but problems do. Specifically for this reason. Dear self, it's okay to make lots of mistakes but please learn from it and don't ever repeat.